8 Years Ago & 8 Years Later

8 years ago, in 2008, we were living in New York State. I was working in Midtown Manhattan, with the spouse and offspring deposited in a beautiful, leafy suburb about 40 minutes on the train from Grand Central Station. "Living above our station" as a friend described it.

I worked in a very large organization. A global financial institution. Our staff was relatively diverse at the lower levels. But, perhaps unsurprisingly, the senior executive ranks were still primarily white and male (one non-white male and a couple of women, including yours truly.) I'd like to think it's changed considerably since that time, but...

I arrived in April in 2008 and remember following the US political scene with considerable interest. I was disposed to prefer Hillary over Obama (Grrl Power!), but truly thought either would be a breakthrough. So when Obama became the Democratic nominee, I was fine with that. Considering I couldn't vote anyways, being 'fine with that' didn't really matter to anyone, anyways.

And then when Obama was elected the President...!?! Wow. Just wow.

The excitement was palpable. It was thick. It was a living, breathing thing. The next day, I talked to many in our department who'd been up most of the night out in their neighborhoods feeling the excitement. There was Hope. There was happiness. There was incredulity. Some didn't expect to see that breakthrough, of an African-American President, in their lifetime. Yet there it was.

Of course, by that time, the financial crisis had hit hard and the new President had inherited a sh*t-show of economic decline. The trains to Manhattan were emptier, the locals were out of work or out of money, the main streets sprouted empty storefronts, and large homes sat empty and dark. I can attest that 2009 was a bleak year in Westchester County.

Yet things did improve. Slowly, at first. Then at a better pace. Until "Crisis, what crisis?" became the prevailing view. And many, many people forgot that they needed to fix the root causes of that crisis. They had a job. They had money. They could buy sh*t again.

The usual vices re-emerged. Conspicuous consumption. Greed. Winning an advantage over others. Embracing the 'haves' and vilifying the 'have nots' (lazy, stupid, crazy, criminal. The goddamn 99%.)

And it just seems so awful lately. The dividing lines look deeper and wider. I wonder if it's a chasm we can no longer leap across.

So, 8 years later, I follow the US political scene with considerable interest. It seems to be a battle between Fear and Baggage. Trump brings the Fear that he is, in fact, as bat-sh*t crazy as he seems. Clinton brings the Baggage of having been a political player for very many years, who may have many pipers to pay.

At the end of the day, I'd pick Baggage over Fear. With Baggage, there is still Hope. With Fear, there is only Hate.

Of course, I can't actually vote in the U.S. But I can confirm that I picked Baggage/Hope over Fear/Hate in our last federal election.  And yes, we have a Prime Minister who brings the legacy (and baggage) of his father, and no, the Canadian Liberals will not do everything right ... but their heart at least seems to be in the right place and we see an agenda of inclusiveness and hope.

Hoping my US compatriots will make a similar choice. Vote Hillary. Grrl Power!

Driving in the Rain

If you've read early posts on this journey, you'll know I have a convertible. Rather a nice one, IMHO (although getting long in the tooth... if cars can do that sort of thing.)

Earlier this week, I had reason to take the Sea to Sky Highway up to Squamish. Was hot and sunny when I left so I had the car top down and was enjoying the beauty along the way. Close to my destination, some rain started to fall.  It wasn't very heavy and wasn't hitting me directly (only a few splashes on the back seat - thank you aerodynamics), but I thought it best to stop after a few minutes and put the roof up.

Aerodynamics 101

Later, as I was leaving Squamish for the drive home, the sky looked promising. Bright, crystalline, a few fluffy clouds. Awesome convertible weather. So down the roof came. Cranked up Tragically Hip and headed back down that gorgeous road.

But it wasn't too long before the rain started spitting - near Shannon Falls, I think. But I was resolute. What're a few drops of rain, anyways?

And then it wasn't spitting anymore. Nuh uh. It was raining and spraying and swooshing. The wipers were going crazy. The road was a filmy blur. The ocean merged with the sky on the pass through Britannia Beach.

But the rain still wasn't hitting me. Not at all. Aerodynamics again. Or maybe, just maybe, a little bit of magic too.

Yes, I could see it splattering my back seats. And yes, I did briefly wonder what the deluge was going to do to my interior.

But then I thought, F*ck it. I'm enjoying this. I want this. I need this.
Never mind the big stares from those in passing cars. Never mind if they were mocking me.
I was fully, completely fine with that.

Good spirits rising

Eventually, the rain stopped. (It always does.) The sun shone and dried up the back seats.

The sky smiled at me. I smiled back.

Starting with a Whimper (sad face)

I had full intentions of starting 2016 with a BANG!

 )

Enthused about life, people, career.
Nothing but positivity, baby!

Until - WHAM! 

(Which is definitely not the same as 'BANG', by the way. And, in this context, it's also not these guys...)

I got sick. Coughing, sore throat, dizzy kind of sick. Buckley's kind of sick.

It started on New Year's Eve and has been getting progressively worse each day. My biggest accomplishments today were making a cup of coffee in the morning and watching 2 hours of House Hunters International on the PVR. (My god, don't they always pick the wrong place!!)

My Sweater

I did not once venture out into the real world. Much to the world's relief, because I'm a pretty scary sight today. This is the sweater I am wearing. Imagine what the rest of me looks like.

Out the front window

I did not commune with nature. The few snapshots I took were all from the front window of the house. 

I ignored the dog. I didn't even have the energy to embarrass him again, like I did yesterday. (Click here to see) 

And probably the biggest barometer of how I was feeling... I didn't feed the House Crows at all today. I saw one of them looking at me through the window mid-morning, but I did nothing to acknowledge him or get him kibble. 

Nuh uh. Today was all about me. 

Admittedly, I am a little disappointed that I won't be hitting the ground running: 

• Those 2015 loose ends that I'd planned to tie up will have to hang loose just a little longer. 
• The "New Year | New Me" thing will have to wait a few more days or so. 
• And I just might have to adjust my plans to be competing in marathons by the end of the month.

Instead, tonight, I will snuffle a bit, whimper a lot more and burrow into the couch. I hope to be fed sushi soon (although the husband seems woefully slow in procuring it. He really needs to do better. Doesn't he know that I'm SICK?!)

Anyways, here's hoping your year has started with a BANG and not a WHAM or a whimper, and that you are looking forward to the big joys and little pleasures that 2016 will bring. I know I am!

Happy New Year!

  

Cussing and Cursing

I was driving home from my office the other night and realized I had (yet again) forgotten my lunch bag at work. Not a big deal in the grand scheme of things. It wasn't lost. It would be there in the morning. Right where I left it. 

But it still caused me to immediately drop an F-bomb in the confines of my car. Because "F*ck Me!" seemed the only appropriate thing to say (loudly and with tremendous feeling) at that moment.

Which is not all that unusual.

The difference this time is that I then immediately thought: "Hmmmm. That was really satisfying. I mean, reaaaaalllly satisfying."

Leading to a flash of insight - sometimes I just really like to curse! It makes me happy. It makes me whole.  It makes me feel real. 

So I was pretty stoked when I saw this article (and this one)

Turns out that cursing is NOT a sign of a redneck upbringing. Nor of a stunted vocabulary.  Quite the contrary...

It is, in fact, a sign of intelligence... of a 'healthy verbal ability' (not sure if that relates to being able to use the word 'f#ck' as an adjective, adverb, noun and verb, or whether it's deeper than that. Why don't you read the study and let me know?)

So here's a favourite cussing-related story: 

Many years ago, I had a really great boss and a pretty fabulous group of peers. We were all together at an off-site meeting in NY state, having dinner at a swish American country club (back when the company had money for those sorts of things).  

A couple of our gang were pretty good at getting their point across without any cursing at all (not yours truly, obviously) so they challenged those of us of the 'potty-mouth' persuasion to try to hold our tongue. We put a 'Curse Jar' on the table (proceeds to charity) and  had to throw in $1 every time we got caught swearing. A few bucks here, a few bucks there... but as the night wore on, and the wine flowed, more and more dollars were being plunked into the jar. My own USD cash supply was starting to run dangerously low. 

Finally, after our boss was called out yet one more time (which was somewhat surprising because he was a very respectful, old-school Pennsylvanian), he pulled out a hundred dollar bill, stuffed it in the jar and announced "F%ck it, I'm paying for everybody for the rest of the night!" 

And then we retired on to the patio with cigars and nightcaps. (Truth be told, we probably used up all of that $100 before the night was half done.)

So, yes, there are times when we need to be calm and professional and tempered. Times when we need to hold those outbursts deep inside.

But there are definitely other times when a well-placed expletive (said loudly and with tremendous feeling) is the best and only option. To give us satisfaction. And happiness. And inner peace (at least for yours truly.) 

Merry F^cking Christmas.
From our family to yours.

(Yeah!)

Deliberately and Relentlessly Positive

We've all seen stories about how Facebook may be ruining lives and feeding insecurities, because people feel inadequate when they compare themselves to the charmed selves and magical lives of their friends / acquaintances / celebrities on Facebook and other social media.

This got me to thinking... is this blog setting up a false picture of continuous happiness and light in my life?  Am I guilty of social media sanitizing?

Cold, cold peaks and  dark, foreboding skies.

I hope not.  Certainly it's not my intent. Because my life is far from being happiness and light every day.  There are:

• Hurdles, big and seemingly bigger 
• Emotions, torrid and occasionally desperate
• Slights, real and well, sometimes actually real... (sigh)

However, I will admit that I have tried to focus this blog, including my Facebook updates, on the positive parts of my life as much as possible.  Deliberately and relentlessly so. 

Why, you ask? (PS, thanks for asking)  

The personal reason is that I've been a cynical, glass-half-empty, expect-the-worst kind of gal for most of my life. TBH, turns out it's not a great mindset to have. So I've been deliberately and relentlessly working to change that. 

The broader reason is that negativity, adversity and vitriol push themselves into our faces every waking hour of every freaking day. And we have to find a way, every day, to deal with it. It can be very tiring.

My Forest Refuge 
(see, that's me on the chair)

...Sometimes it's just nice to have a refuge. 

So I love to read all the positive posts from my friends on Facebook. I love their pretty pictures. It makes me happy to see them find joy in the details of life. In puppies, kitties, horsies... even in humans (who knew?!) 

I never assume that their lives are perfect and that there is nothing but happiness and light in their days. And I don't think they're sanitizing their lives and overstating their successes to make others feel inadequate. I expect they / you / we all face similar challenges - the size and breadth of which doesn't really matter. Because it's not a contest. Hurdles are hurdles. 

If someone wants to share experiences about the hurdles (theirs or mine), I'd like to do that in a conversation, rather than a Facebook post. But feel free to post away, if that's how you want to communicate your hurdles (not judging here.)

As for the negativity and vitriol, occasionally you'll see that I get mad about something and might furiously Share or Comment on a post, and you'll know I REALLY, REALLY MEAN IT when I do.

But most of the time, I'll keep trying to pull light out of darkness and will sometimes post some pretty pictures. 

I'll be Deliberately and Relentlessly Positive.

I'll keep my eyes fixed on the sun...

How about you?

Instagram Me

Instagram is awesome.

 

Let me list the reasons why:

1.   I am a visual person who has to spend a lot of time dealing with a lot of words. Instagram satisfies my craving for the visual.

2.   Sooo many people are now out there taking sooo many photos and sharing their view of the world, I can see things I'd never otherwise see. Manitoba, Minnesota, South Carolina, the Crimea.

3.   The best ones have thoughtful captions that evoke a feeling or a mood, or make you think.

4.   A smartphone, a scrolling finger and a cup of coffee is a great way to start a Saturday morning. 

5.   Most importantly, if I ever need to sign up for Match.com, I can just tweak my Instagram profile ("love sunsets, dogs, forests ...")

But I am definitely a beginner at this. Haven't quite figured out to #hashtag my way to glory.  Or do I just need to take better photos?! (sad face)

Not sure, but I have only 47 followers and am following just 150. Seems a bit Instagrammishly scant. 

Sometimes I worry about that. I wonder if I should be researching more to learn the 'proven techniques' to expand my Instagram network. There are lots of people out there who are willing to tell you how to do it right (certainly for a price!)

But most times I just think "Whatever.... it's not a contest".  It's just another way to express myself, to share the visuals and the selected words that matter most to me.  And that's good. Even if no one is watching. 

Be Zen.  Be Midzen...
Ohmmmmm.

But, of course, if you do want to follow me (whoo hoo, maybe I can hit 50 followers!!), here's the link to my stuff. 

You'll see dogs, sunsets, sky, forests and the occasional crow.  

I'm not much of one to do selfies (just one so far, and I was in costume), so you'll be spared that, for the most part.  

And if you're an instagrammer yourself, let me know, as I'd love to see your passions too! 

Summer Road Trippin #2 - Stevens Family Reunion

I've already talked about the wonders of a family reunion in this post.

The Stevens reunion (aka 'Hooknosers' - due to a prominent family feature) was the second in our series of summer weekends this year - no time to plan, just get 'er done. Which involved a borrowed tent, poor planning for our travel arrangements (many hours spent at the ferry terminal) and necessities left at home (hard to survive without a coffee cup!).  Plus an abrupt and unwelcome realization that I haven't slept outside in 30 years - for a reason.

When I wrote the earlier post, I was still basking in the glow of the actual event. But the additional benefit has been an ever-expanding network, using Facebook to keep in touch with people who were there and even those who weren't able to make it. It's pretty awesome, really, to get a little insight into everyone's lives.

So just a couple of stories from the reunion that haven't yet been shared:

1. Maple Bay

Dry and parched. (But on the upside, we had gorgeous sunsets!)

It was a very hot, very sticky weekend. We were on a beautiful farm, but the heat had taken its toll and everything was dry and parched. The awnings and pockets under trees helped, to a certain point.

Yet by the afternoon of the first full day at the reunion (Saturday), we were melting into puddles of sweat and smell.

So a plan was hatched to head down to Maple Bay, just a few minutes away. Ocean water never looked more inviting than when we looked down the grassy hill to the beach below. Who cared that it was not the clearest of clear by that point in the summer? Who dared to think what the sailboats nearby were dropping into the water? Or the many dogs? Certainly not us. Ignorance is most definitely bliss.

We had water. Water that would coat our chafing bodies. Water that would relieve us from the heat, however fleeting that might be.

We thought we'd found a slice of heaven.

Until the next day, when we really did.

2. Cheakamus River

Through conversation with others after the Maple Bay adventure, we discovered that there was also a river in the vicinity. A longer drive than the Bay, but fresh, moving water as the reward. So a new plan was hatched for Sunday afternoon.

Someone got some directions (although more vague than I'd thought...) and assumed the role as the leader. At the appointed time later in the afternoon, a convoy was launched.

We were second in line. In a VW Jetta. On a forest service road. Pretty interesting.  My sister Anne was valiant in her efforts and kept the car on track, despite the ruts and rocks.

We noticed there were a fair number of vehicles coming the opposite direction on this very long dead-end road. And then we noticed some of those vehicles looked kind of official, were driving with hazard lights blinking, were full of guys in khakis with badges on their shoulders, and maybe, just maybe, were trying to flag us over.

But we were oblivious and doggedly continued on our way. When we finally arrived at our destination, there were fewer cars than we'd expected and the people there were packing up to go.

Why, you ask? Well, we asked too.

Turns out there was a forest fire nearby, and forest service guys had told everyone to evacuate.

But dammit, we'd driven a long way. We were hotter and stickier than ever. We couldn't just turn around, defeated.

So we parked. And we wound our way down the trail to the river. A whole bunch of Stevens' trompling down the path, not to be denied the bounty we had come for.

And what a bounty it was. Absolutely f...'g gorgeous. Beautiful clear water, eddies and ripples, a lazy curve in the river, even a gentle waterfall. We could almost ignore the sounds of waterbombers and helicopters overhead.

Almost... although when it seemed we could feel our hair pulled into the rotors as they passed over us, we thought it might be best to leave.

Of course, leaving is not the same as being out of danger. We still had to bounce our way back along that one-way forest road, surrounded by tinder-dry trees that could explode in fire at any minute!

I spent the whole time imagining the headlines:

• "Tragic End to Family Reunion" 
• "15 Family Members Perish in Forest Fire"
• "Relatives Mourn as Fire Overtakes Kin"

Or more likely,

• "Clan Engulfed by Flames After Ignoring Evacuation Order"

Or even more likely,

• "Stevens Family Win 2015 Darwin Awards (by a Hooknose)"

Now imagine if half of these people were no longer in the photo...