Cussing and Cursing

I was driving home from my office the other night and realized I had (yet again) forgotten my lunch bag at work. Not a big deal in the grand scheme of things. It wasn't lost. It would be there in the morning. Right where I left it. 

But it still caused me to immediately drop an F-bomb in the confines of my car. Because "F*ck Me!" seemed the only appropriate thing to say (loudly and with tremendous feeling) at that moment.

Which is not all that unusual.

The difference this time is that I then immediately thought: "Hmmmm. That was really satisfying. I mean, reaaaaalllly satisfying."

Leading to a flash of insight - sometimes I just really like to curse! It makes me happy. It makes me whole.  It makes me feel real. 

So I was pretty stoked when I saw this article (and this one)

Turns out that cursing is NOT a sign of a redneck upbringing. Nor of a stunted vocabulary.  Quite the contrary...

It is, in fact, a sign of intelligence... of a 'healthy verbal ability' (not sure if that relates to being able to use the word 'f#ck' as an adjective, adverb, noun and verb, or whether it's deeper than that. Why don't you read the study and let me know?)

So here's a favourite cussing-related story: 

Many years ago, I had a really great boss and a pretty fabulous group of peers. We were all together at an off-site meeting in NY state, having dinner at a swish American country club (back when the company had money for those sorts of things).  

A couple of our gang were pretty good at getting their point across without any cursing at all (not yours truly, obviously) so they challenged those of us of the 'potty-mouth' persuasion to try to hold our tongue. We put a 'Curse Jar' on the table (proceeds to charity) and  had to throw in $1 every time we got caught swearing. A few bucks here, a few bucks there... but as the night wore on, and the wine flowed, more and more dollars were being plunked into the jar. My own USD cash supply was starting to run dangerously low. 

Finally, after our boss was called out yet one more time (which was somewhat surprising because he was a very respectful, old-school Pennsylvanian), he pulled out a hundred dollar bill, stuffed it in the jar and announced "F%ck it, I'm paying for everybody for the rest of the night!" 

And then we retired on to the patio with cigars and nightcaps. (Truth be told, we probably used up all of that $100 before the night was half done.)

So, yes, there are times when we need to be calm and professional and tempered. Times when we need to hold those outbursts deep inside.

But there are definitely other times when a well-placed expletive (said loudly and with tremendous feeling) is the best and only option. To give us satisfaction. And happiness. And inner peace (at least for yours truly.) 

Merry F^cking Christmas.
From our family to yours.

(Yeah!)

Deliberately and Relentlessly Positive

We've all seen stories about how Facebook may be ruining lives and feeding insecurities, because people feel inadequate when they compare themselves to the charmed selves and magical lives of their friends / acquaintances / celebrities on Facebook and other social media.

This got me to thinking... is this blog setting up a false picture of continuous happiness and light in my life?  Am I guilty of social media sanitizing?

Cold, cold peaks and  dark, foreboding skies.

I hope not.  Certainly it's not my intent. Because my life is far from being happiness and light every day.  There are:

• Hurdles, big and seemingly bigger 
• Emotions, torrid and occasionally desperate
• Slights, real and well, sometimes actually real... (sigh)

However, I will admit that I have tried to focus this blog, including my Facebook updates, on the positive parts of my life as much as possible.  Deliberately and relentlessly so. 

Why, you ask? (PS, thanks for asking)  

The personal reason is that I've been a cynical, glass-half-empty, expect-the-worst kind of gal for most of my life. TBH, turns out it's not a great mindset to have. So I've been deliberately and relentlessly working to change that. 

The broader reason is that negativity, adversity and vitriol push themselves into our faces every waking hour of every freaking day. And we have to find a way, every day, to deal with it. It can be very tiring.

My Forest Refuge 
(see, that's me on the chair)

...Sometimes it's just nice to have a refuge. 

So I love to read all the positive posts from my friends on Facebook. I love their pretty pictures. It makes me happy to see them find joy in the details of life. In puppies, kitties, horsies... even in humans (who knew?!) 

I never assume that their lives are perfect and that there is nothing but happiness and light in their days. And I don't think they're sanitizing their lives and overstating their successes to make others feel inadequate. I expect they / you / we all face similar challenges - the size and breadth of which doesn't really matter. Because it's not a contest. Hurdles are hurdles. 

If someone wants to share experiences about the hurdles (theirs or mine), I'd like to do that in a conversation, rather than a Facebook post. But feel free to post away, if that's how you want to communicate your hurdles (not judging here.)

As for the negativity and vitriol, occasionally you'll see that I get mad about something and might furiously Share or Comment on a post, and you'll know I REALLY, REALLY MEAN IT when I do.

But most of the time, I'll keep trying to pull light out of darkness and will sometimes post some pretty pictures. 

I'll be Deliberately and Relentlessly Positive.

I'll keep my eyes fixed on the sun...

How about you?

Instagram Me

Instagram is awesome.

 

Let me list the reasons why:

1.   I am a visual person who has to spend a lot of time dealing with a lot of words. Instagram satisfies my craving for the visual.

2.   Sooo many people are now out there taking sooo many photos and sharing their view of the world, I can see things I'd never otherwise see. Manitoba, Minnesota, South Carolina, the Crimea.

3.   The best ones have thoughtful captions that evoke a feeling or a mood, or make you think.

4.   A smartphone, a scrolling finger and a cup of coffee is a great way to start a Saturday morning. 

5.   Most importantly, if I ever need to sign up for Match.com, I can just tweak my Instagram profile ("love sunsets, dogs, forests ...")

But I am definitely a beginner at this. Haven't quite figured out to #hashtag my way to glory.  Or do I just need to take better photos?! (sad face)

Not sure, but I have only 47 followers and am following just 150. Seems a bit Instagrammishly scant. 

Sometimes I worry about that. I wonder if I should be researching more to learn the 'proven techniques' to expand my Instagram network. There are lots of people out there who are willing to tell you how to do it right (certainly for a price!)

But most times I just think "Whatever.... it's not a contest".  It's just another way to express myself, to share the visuals and the selected words that matter most to me.  And that's good. Even if no one is watching. 

Be Zen.  Be Midzen...
Ohmmmmm.

But, of course, if you do want to follow me (whoo hoo, maybe I can hit 50 followers!!), here's the link to my stuff. 

You'll see dogs, sunsets, sky, forests and the occasional crow.  

I'm not much of one to do selfies (just one so far, and I was in costume), so you'll be spared that, for the most part.  

And if you're an instagrammer yourself, let me know, as I'd love to see your passions too! 

Summer Road Trippin #2 - Stevens Family Reunion

I've already talked about the wonders of a family reunion in this post.

The Stevens reunion (aka 'Hooknosers' - due to a prominent family feature) was the second in our series of summer weekends this year - no time to plan, just get 'er done. Which involved a borrowed tent, poor planning for our travel arrangements (many hours spent at the ferry terminal) and necessities left at home (hard to survive without a coffee cup!).  Plus an abrupt and unwelcome realization that I haven't slept outside in 30 years - for a reason.

When I wrote the earlier post, I was still basking in the glow of the actual event. But the additional benefit has been an ever-expanding network, using Facebook to keep in touch with people who were there and even those who weren't able to make it. It's pretty awesome, really, to get a little insight into everyone's lives.

So just a couple of stories from the reunion that haven't yet been shared:

1. Maple Bay

Dry and parched. (But on the upside, we had gorgeous sunsets!)

It was a very hot, very sticky weekend. We were on a beautiful farm, but the heat had taken its toll and everything was dry and parched. The awnings and pockets under trees helped, to a certain point.

Yet by the afternoon of the first full day at the reunion (Saturday), we were melting into puddles of sweat and smell.

So a plan was hatched to head down to Maple Bay, just a few minutes away. Ocean water never looked more inviting than when we looked down the grassy hill to the beach below. Who cared that it was not the clearest of clear by that point in the summer? Who dared to think what the sailboats nearby were dropping into the water? Or the many dogs? Certainly not us. Ignorance is most definitely bliss.

We had water. Water that would coat our chafing bodies. Water that would relieve us from the heat, however fleeting that might be.

We thought we'd found a slice of heaven.

Until the next day, when we really did.

2. Cheakamus River

Through conversation with others after the Maple Bay adventure, we discovered that there was also a river in the vicinity. A longer drive than the Bay, but fresh, moving water as the reward. So a new plan was hatched for Sunday afternoon.

Someone got some directions (although more vague than I'd thought...) and assumed the role as the leader. At the appointed time later in the afternoon, a convoy was launched.

We were second in line. In a VW Jetta. On a forest service road. Pretty interesting.  My sister Anne was valiant in her efforts and kept the car on track, despite the ruts and rocks.

We noticed there were a fair number of vehicles coming the opposite direction on this very long dead-end road. And then we noticed some of those vehicles looked kind of official, were driving with hazard lights blinking, were full of guys in khakis with badges on their shoulders, and maybe, just maybe, were trying to flag us over.

But we were oblivious and doggedly continued on our way. When we finally arrived at our destination, there were fewer cars than we'd expected and the people there were packing up to go.

Why, you ask? Well, we asked too.

Turns out there was a forest fire nearby, and forest service guys had told everyone to evacuate.

But dammit, we'd driven a long way. We were hotter and stickier than ever. We couldn't just turn around, defeated.

So we parked. And we wound our way down the trail to the river. A whole bunch of Stevens' trompling down the path, not to be denied the bounty we had come for.

And what a bounty it was. Absolutely f...'g gorgeous. Beautiful clear water, eddies and ripples, a lazy curve in the river, even a gentle waterfall. We could almost ignore the sounds of waterbombers and helicopters overhead.

Almost... although when it seemed we could feel our hair pulled into the rotors as they passed over us, we thought it might be best to leave.

Of course, leaving is not the same as being out of danger. We still had to bounce our way back along that one-way forest road, surrounded by tinder-dry trees that could explode in fire at any minute!

I spent the whole time imagining the headlines:

• "Tragic End to Family Reunion" 
• "15 Family Members Perish in Forest Fire"
• "Relatives Mourn as Fire Overtakes Kin"

Or more likely,

• "Clan Engulfed by Flames After Ignoring Evacuation Order"

Or even more likely,

• "Stevens Family Win 2015 Darwin Awards (by a Hooknose)"

Now imagine if half of these people were no longer in the photo...

Summer Road Trippin' - #1 Powell River Wedding

This summer resulted in a series of weekend road trips.  So no big 'week away' but a succession of events to attend.

I approached it with some trepidation. Oh my, so much to organize. So much to decide.
Until I thought... nah, let's just do it. Let the chips fall where they may. As long as we have somewhere to sleep, surely we can get by.

So this is Road Trip #1: Niece's wedding in Powell River.

Booked the early ferry out of Horseshoe Bay. That's at 7:30 in the morning. Which somehow meant getting up at about 4:30am.
... on a Saturday.

Not really my happy place.

Eeewww. What's she doing with her toes?!

Despite the odds, got ourselves and the kids up and out the door. Picked up the nephew (meaning yours truly was sitting in the back of the car... in the middle seat. Gosh, what mothers do for their kids!) and made it to the ferry.

This is a two-ferry event. Have to drive up the Sunshine Coast for the next one. Lots of time there, so a nice snack at the cafe.  Not a great day yet - some clouds and drizzle. But gave us time to focus on our grooming. The girl painted my nails (manicure/pedicure is not my strong suit), then her own. (Some funny looks her way with that!) Nephew kept up commentary about how he'd like his wife to get one of those BC Ferries jobs, so they'd be set for life. Amusing travel up.

Powell River is a cool place. Original mill town, but the jobs disappeared as the industry automated. The whole town seems to be built on a slope towards the water. All these fabulous bungalows with great water views, for next to nothing (by Vancouver standards.)  If you can find a way to make a living there, and you don't care about being close to a city, it's lovely.

Checked into our room, changed into our finery and made it to the ceremony at the golf course in plenty of time. The wedding gods had smiled upon them and it was sunny and bright (and kinda hot!) by that time. Martin found blackberry bushes while we were waiting for the formalities to begin, so he was especially happy.

Not a selfie person

A selfie person

After the ceremony and some fun family photos, we had time to kill at the hotel room. Bought some 'effervescent' (= cheap) rose, which we shared, and did some hotel selfies before the reception.

Gangsta posing in the Town Centre Inn

I guess the dress slides down...

The happy couple

The reception was wonderful! Venue was a hall in the old town with beautiful pane glass windows. Food was a local caterer - tasty, warm and real. Desserts were cool (on a stick, in jars... super fun). Drinks were cheap.


There was dancing. The whole family danced, to varying degrees of success. We took the shuttle bus back to the hotel, dropped into bed and slept until the last possible moment the next morning.

Found the Magpie Cafe for a fabulous breakfast. Chose Eggs Benedict with Ukrainian Sausage - perfect eggs, silky hollandaise (in just the right quantity) with the slight saltiness and chewiness of the sausage providing a perfect contrast. Quite bliss-inducing. My goal when eating at a restaurant is to pick something that I would not make at home.  And I definitely would not, could not make THAT at home.

Snake Kids 2015

More ferry rides home. Lots of waiting around in parking lots. Some of our car passengers got a bit antsy and ended up doing 'Snake Kids' in the back seat (look closely - there are 2 children in this mashup.)

We survived. More than that, we enjoyed. We were family.
(and, as I always say, if there are no police incidents, it's a success!)

No Police Incidents - WHEW!

The Best Summer Ever (?)

I own a convertible. It features prominently in an early blog post "My Ride" and I still feel a remarkable kinship with it (after all, like my car, I am sophisticated, sporty and charmingly impractical, right?)

When I drove it back from NY some years ago, I had to wait 5 months before I could put the top down. Because it rained. And it rained. And it rained some more.

Very frustrating. And the repetitive tune in my head was "What kind of idiot owns a convertible in Raincouver?!" (to which I could only answer, "this kind of idiot"...)

At the 5 month mark came the very first break in the unrelenting rain. Although I was only a few minutes from home, I immediately pulled over, lovingly caressed and gently pulled the toggle to put the top down, enjoying the feel of the wind (damp-ish as it was) as it tousled my hair and sent the candy wrappers from the floor swirling around my legs. I even took a few extra laps around the neighbourhood to get the full effect.  (A good thing, because it rained for 3 more continuous months after that.)

Sunset in the rear view mirror

So what kind of idiot owns a convertible in Raincouver anyways?

Well, 5 years later, I thought I had been vindicated. Aha! 'This kind of idiot' is an idiot no more. In fact, I might just have been ahead of my time. Like Gallileo.

Because the weather, from the month of May forward, had been incredibly dry.
WARM. SUNNY. LOVELY.

The Audi's top had rarely closed to cover my head. I reveled in it. I had sunglasses and ball caps always at the ready. It was glorious. 

Until it wasn't so glorious anymore. The lovely dry weather became:

HOT. SCORCHING. ALARMING. 

Days are dusty, nights are hot. Slow burn in the sky

Endlessly so.  To the point where a longer journey forced me to close the top because I was in danger of sunstroke otherwise. "What kind of idiot drives around in a convertible on a sunny day with the top up?!"  Ummmm, this kind of idiot.

Was I really ahead of my time when I bought that convertible? Did my reptile brain somehow intuit that Beautiful BC was going to turn into Hotel California (and we ALL remember that line "...but you can never leave...")

Dogs in fur coats looking for relief

Or is it just that the change in our weather has accelerated so quickly that the curiosities (convertibles in Vancouver) are becoming common-place.





Will southern BC be the new southern Cali?

After all, the similarities don't stop at the weather... we also have:

1. bloated, unaffordable luxury homes (more every minute);
2. local droughts, water restrictions and snappy catchphrases ('brown is the new green');
3. raging wildfires that consume homes and livelihoods on the outskirts of town;

and most importantly, we finally have:

4. Nordstrom's (because everyone needs a cocktail bar in their department store.)

I was starting to feel a bit worried about it all. Global warming is such a downer.

So I'm going to make myself feel better. I'll be heading downtown tomorrow to find me a pair of $1400 bejeweled Jimmy Choo flats. I'm pretty sure that will work to blow all that angst away.

Just like a hot, hot wind.

Wanna join me?

Endings become Beginnings

I'm a visual person.
I think in pictures. I remember in pictures. I feel in pictures.

In the past couple of months, there were a few milestones to be marked. Two endings and I beginning.
Which I tried to capture in pictures.

The first was a family event on Vancouver Island. A sad occasion, but with much laughter and love (and Mai Tais!)

On the Celebration - seemed fitting. 

Began with a beautiful ferry ride under sunny skis (orcas included).
Then an adventure on local transit through lovely areas (one extra-helpful driver, one not so much!) and final arrival at an awesome location at the edge of the Victoria International Airport.

Super-retro spot, literally by the edge of the runway. There was a double-wide band of small private planes between all of us on the lawn and commercial planes taxiing in, up close and personal. Almost thought I could see the bored looks on the faces of the United Airlines attendants through the windows!

Skies turned a bit moody while we were there. Probably fitting, as our generation said good-bye to the last of our parents' generation. They had been a large group - 12 siblings, plus their spouses. With even just a fraction of our cousins able to attend, there was much to think about, to remember, to feel.

The second was a sweet good-bye to the Pink Palace in West Vancouver. An icon on the North Shore shoreline with forever views (so you can forgive the tired interiors.) Martin's mom had moved into a residential home and it was time to say good-bye to the Palace.

It was an awesome, bright evening. The apartment was empty, the colours were sharp, the shadows were crisp. The breeze through the window slats was teasing the sheer curtain and made me wish I'd worn a hat and gloves to the farewell.

Post-pizza. Basking in the glorious light

Admittedly, Martin and I went a little more low-brow than that. Pizza from a box on the deck. Paper napkins to wipe off the sauce. Water from the tap.

Nonetheless, we considered ourselves lucky. We were able to enjoy the clarity and the sparkle, just one day before a haze descended upon Vancouver and choked it for a week with smoke from the many wildfires in the vicinity.

Those were the endings.

But from endings come beginnings...

As an offshoot of a collective good-bye to one of the original 12, a plot was hatched to hold a family reunion. It had been many years (too many years) since the last one. The memorial services for the 12 had been our proxies for the real thing, but they were always a bit too sad. It was time to stake a claim, to go with happiness and light and family.

One cousin family stepped up to organize, another quickly offered to host us on their farm on Vancouver Island. The plan was in play. In their capable hands, execution was assured.

And so we - the next-gen, plus offspring, plus offspring of offspring - spent a wonderful weekend at Maple Bay Farm on the August long weekend. Remembering, reminiscing, reconnecting (and yes, some drinking was involved.  We are Stevens', after all)

The weather was spectacular - the company even more so. There was an Amazing Race, a Softball Game, an impromptu water-balloon toss.

There's a turkey in there somewhere

Plus the food - deep-fried turkey, Chilliwack corn, burgers and dogs, excellent coffee ("Serious Coffee" courtesy of our hosts, Jeannette and Rob Humphreys) and home-baked treats.

We had about 60 or so people there (including our Saskatchewan voyagers, who always make the trek.) Amazingly,  that's only a fraction of our total reach.  I'm the youngest of the 50 cousins and we are all 'of an age' where our Next Gen Plus must total 170 or more, on a conservative estimate.

Dinner gathering under the canopies

It was wonderful, it was beautiful, it was family. And we plan to do it again in a few years. I can hardly wait!

Beautiful sky in a beautiful place. Maple Bay Farm, near Duncan BC.